GLORIOUS, GLAMOROUS OSCAR SWAG!?

Even Mona Gets Swag!

It's Spring so it must be time for the Academy Awards. Yup, sure enough Sunday is the big day. Red Carpets get rolled out, limos get a spit polish and a tune-up, bars get stocked with Crystal and Dom, and the Fashion Police ready their poison pens.

It's a time of nerves, noshing, nastiness and narcissism. The celebs have spent months hunting for their pro bono* designer gowns, tuxes, jewels and accessories, hours in the make-up chair and weeks writing and rewriting the obligatory "it's an honor just to be nominated" sound bytes.

For some it will be a night of celebration and victory, others will go home without the man of the evening - Oscar. But no one will go home empty handed thanks to swag. Don't know about swag? Oh my, let me tell you about swag!

At every "A" list, "B" list and even "C" list party in La La Land on Sunday night there will be lovely, elegantly designed gift bags and baskets filled to overflowing with free goodies from every posh retailer, manufacturer and business looking to get their "stuff" seen on, near, around or under a famous face. Everything from jewel encrusted smart phones and crystal encased make-up to wine, whoopie (in the form of free hotel rooms) and song (specially packaged cds and dvds).

If it can be dressed up and shoved in a bag, basket, box or container it can become swag. And the marketers and promoters have taken this public relations maneuver to new heights. Every year these goodies become more and more expensive and more and more decadent. Some of these bag's values have reached six figures. Yup, One little bag can contain more dollar value than most Americans earn in a year.

Don't believe me? Read some of what's been included in an Oscar Swag Bag! Sort of makes you feel "the rich get richer and the poor get poorer" has added meaning at Oscar time, huh? (And we're not even going into the posh, romanesque decadence of the parties and food being served up to those lucky stars and starlets!)

But fear not my intrepid but swagless Divas! There really is nothing free in this world. Those poor beleaguered famous folk must now pony up cash in the form of income tax on their goodie bags! Leave it to Uncle Sam's accountant to leave no stone unturned in the quest for tax dollars.

So, while you're sitting on your dog-hair covered couch, in your coffee stained jammies, eating popcorn out of a microwave bag and sipping your diet soda, you can watch the Awards ceremony with a little less envy and a lot less worry over a possible audit!

The Bling is Dead! Long Live the Tax Free Swag!

* Pro Bono translates into "for the public good". Whether or not free designer garb for movie stars could really be considered "for the public good" is debatable, but "gratis" and "free" just didn't sound as snooty, teehee :).